Growing up in the 90s, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers impacted me in a huge way. Before MMPR, my life goals were limited to being a Wild West gunslinger, a Ninja Turtle, or a real dinosaur. But the Power Rangers changed all that. They were like all of those, but combined. Forget six-shooters – they had laser guns. They did so many jump kicks, but didn’t have to live in a sewer. And why be a dinosaur when you could drive a ROBOT version of one? That’s like being a T-Rex, while still having thumbs to play Nintendo and long enough arms to high five!
Unfortunately, the show I remember MMPR being is not the show it actually is. I’ve been slowly making my way through Power Rangers from the beginning, and it has not aged well (not that I expected much from a baby show for babies). That said, I still have some fondness for it, and in honor of the new (technical) first issue of Boom’s new Power Rangers comic, I’ve decided to rank, from best to worst, the first eleven teens to wield the power of the Morphin’ Grid (TM).
You are going to disagree with it.
1) Adam Park (Second Mighty Morphin’ Black Ranger, Green Zeo & Turbo Ranger)
Look, we both know this isn’t who you wanted in the top place. Go ahead and scroll down until you find him, then come back. I’ll wait.
Back? Good. We’ll argue later.
Adam replaced Zack during season 2 when the original Red, Black, and Yellow Ranger actors left the show unceremoniously. Admittedly, his first several adventures as a Ranger involved line delivery that sounded like he would burst into tears at any given moment, but he quickly grew to become the only replacement Ranger to develop a real personality. It also didn’t hurt that Adam’s actor, Johnny Yong Bosch, was a brilliant martial artist, and his tenure in Zeo involved some of the most entertaining choreographed fights. Also, tons of backflips.
Adam was so great a Ranger, my best friend once explained in uncomfortable detail how he would kiss Adam on the mouth within a month of proposing to his girlfriend.
2) Billy Cranston (Mighty Morphin’ Blue Ranger)
Billy is one of the longest-running Rangers, although technically he left the team during Zeo to work in the Command Center with Alpha and Zordon. But, honestly, a guy as smart as team genius Billy was wasting brain power on karate chops before. Dude built the team’s teleportation/communicator watches, a flying car, and maybe even the giant robots of later seasons (it’s never directly stated, but seems to be implied). Unfortunately, Billy suddenly aged super fast and then had to go live on a water planet for reasons and fell in love with a fish lady (I would say it was a whole thing, but it all happens in like two episodes. Show wasweird, you guys.)
3) Trini Kwan (Mighty Morphin’ Yellow Ranger)
In all honesty, Trini is one of the more forgettable Rangers. With Kim filling the “Girl” slot on the team, Trini just kind of was.
That said, in episode two she tore off the monster’s head and chucked it into a pit to Hell. And one time she ran nonstop for an entire episode and then danced on top of the head of a giant turtle. Also, her uncle was a karate scientist.
10/10 Would be baffled again.
4) Zack Taylor (Mighty Morphin’ Black Ranger)
Zack was kind of the fun jokester of the team (in as much as the show allowed characters to have personality). The original second-in-command of the team, he was also one of the more effective and interesting fighters of the original group, utilizing a weird dance-style he created called Hip Hop Kido. He was also Jason’s best friend until he got snubbed once a certain emerald-hued teen showed up in Angel Grove.
In all fairness, though, it was pretty much deserved after he pouted on a mountain because not enough people wished him a happy birthday.
5) Kimberly Ann Hart (Mighty Morphin’ Pink Ranger)
Like I said above, for a long time Kim was just filling the role of “Girl” on the team. She said a lot of “Oh my gods” and “as ifs” and whatever old white guys thought teens said in the 90s. She spent at least a third of her Ranger tenure chewing gum. Her first reaction when flying a GIANT ROBOT PTERODACTYL (into a tree – not kidding) was “nice stereo”.WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, KIMBERLY? DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. JUST LATCH ONTO MEGAZORD’S CHEST AND SIT THE HELL STILL.
6) Jason Lee Scott (Mighty Morphin’ Red Ranger, Gold Zeo Ranger)
Jason falls into the rut of being the leader, which the writers apparently decided was probably the most character development and personality a bunch of babies could handle in 20 minutes every weekday. This becomes even weirder when actor Austin St. Bernard (probably his name) left the show, and suddenly the leader of the team was conveniently either busy or not facing the camera until his helmet was on. He also was a bit of a jerk, as he was total BFFs with Zack until the next cool guy walked into school and Zack was left behind. Karma bit him in the ass, though, when he was demoted from team lead in season 3 when a bunch of babies decided they all liked the new cool guy better than him, too.
7) Katherine Hillard (Second Mighty Morphin’ Pink Ranger, Pink Zeo Ranger)
Kat was brainwashed by Rita to spy on the Rangers for her, even though Rita had a telescope that could see into the Rangers’ houses from the moon? She also turned into a kitty? And a monster kitty? But then she got better? And she’s still somehow not the most problematic Ranger.
8) Aisha Campbell (Second Mighty Morphin’ Yellow Ranger)
She fit in Trini’s suit.
9) Rocky DeSantos (Second Mighty Morphin’ Red Ranger, Blue Zeo Ranger)
Rocky was brought in to replace Jason, but wasn’t trusted to be the actual leader of the team because he is dumb as a rock. When the team gained the Zeo powers, he was even demoted to Blue. He jump kicked himself into a boo-boo, and Zordon just said, "f*** it. Give his powers to that baby with a stupid mushroom haircut." He just...I don't...ZZZZZzzzzzz...
10) Tanya Sloan (Yellow Zeo Ranger)
Look, Tanya threw this list off by being only from Zeo and jumping my count from an nice even 10 to 11. But that’s just Tanya in a nutshell – she’s a problem. Someone explain her to me. She’s maybe from the p...ast...? I mean, she joins the team after all the Rangers were turned to kids and travel back in time to retrieve the Zeo crystals (It was a whole thing again. Kat met herself as an old lady. It would make less sense the more I try to explain). She lived in Africa in the undisclosed past, if I understand the events correctly (and I refuse to admit defeat to a show made for kids who can’t color in the lines). Her parents are Indiana Jones adventurers? She’s maybe dating Adam? I just...someone help me understand her.
11) Tommy Oliver (Green and White Mighty Morphin’ Ranger, Red Zeo Ranger)
Okay, we both know you furiously scrolled down here to figure out why everyone’s favorite Ranger is at the bottom at some asshole’s rankings. It’s cool. We’ll get this over with, you can calm down, have a soda, then scroll up and read about how my friend wants to tongue kiss Adam.
Look, Tommy is the worst Ranger. You don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to say it, because I don’t want my nice new apartment egged. But this is Real Talk here. Tommy sucks. Like a lot.
Tommy is completely inept. He is constantly going to karate class or some bullshit the exact second a monster attacks. He drops, loses, or DELIBERATELY REMOVES his communicator so regularly you’d think he’s still a sleeper for Rita. Season two involves him clutching his chest during battle all the time because his power is in constant flux. Is it Thursday? Because he’s goddamn evil again. Greatest Ranger my ass. Is he a great fighter? Sure, but he screams “HUT-SEEYAH!!” so much the Putties would rather just lay down and die. His brilliant tactical plans involve pretending to be a watermelon so a monster will eat him and sending his clone back in time to maybe bang his grandma (barely a joke).
Also, dude is skeevy as hell. I don’t want JDF breaking my teeth or anything, but he could not act. Every line that is supposed to be emotional comes out with the flatness of a serial killer. His relationship with Kimberly feels one-ended, like a stalker with her name highlighted on the “PEOPLE TO MURDER” list on his fridge.
Plus his hair is long and greasy and gross and I don’t like it. I do not like it shave and a haircut one bit.
Farkas Bulkmeier and Eugene Skullovitch (Bulk and Skull)
You guys are the Rangers of my heart. Never give up on your crazy, pratfall-prone dreams.