Oh, yeah...I have a blog...

So, yeah. I'm a little behind. Finals are coming up, and I've been finding myself with less free time. (We'll pretend that's the real excuse...) But, hey, Seth was behind by like 3 weeks, so I still came out ahead.

To get myself back on schedule, I will be putting everything of interest from last week into this week's post. That means there will be a large number of reviews, but they may be a little brief -- partly for time, and partly because I may not remember things very well.

Oh, but before we do that, check this out:
Something I did for Poetry class, because f*** real poetry. And I got away with it! A+! The prompt was to be funny, turning it in without a name. To f*** with the class, I also turned in some other things that blurred the boundaries of what counts as poetry -- including a sheet of paper that said, "F*CK THIS POEM" which I set on fire.

Anyway, it was a fun chance for me to draw some goofy cowboy mummy gags. I was going to do more, but they took about 2 hours each and I wasted way too much time installing a new printer because the old one decided that, despite getting brand new ink installed days earlier, that, nah, everything's just going to be faded shades of blue.

I had some new sketches as well, but the new scanner isn't, um, scanning just yet.

Oh, hey, I just realized...these are the first comics to be on here since my very post. So much for being a "webcomic", huh?

Anyway, review time. Take a deep breath -- it's a doozy:






Action Comics #900 - (6/10) I think Paul Cornell's run focusing on Lex Luthor began to circle the drain by the halfway point. It was getting old fast and I found myself increasingly bored each issue. Last issue's penultimate chapter made little to no sense, and the conclusion - which takes up majority of this issue - does not fare much better. Sloppily and obnoxiously expository, but not making a lick of sense, this was a terrible conclusion. It also doesn't help that it ties itself into the massively stupid "Reign of the Doomsdays" story that I had not read previously (I can still call it stupid because it spends a decent amount of exposition explaining itself so that I could attempt to follow). This also marks the return of Superman to the title. The one part of the story I did actually like was Superman revealing to Lex that he's Clark Kent. Unfortunately, this is undone almost immediately with Lex having his memory erased, and then (because when you kill an idea, why not overkill it?) getting sucked into a blackhole or something. I don't even care. The rest of the book is fleshed out with some short stories by other popular writers. Some, like Damon Lindelof's, are great, while others are passable or ultimately forgettable. I just can't justify the hefty $6 price tag for these 90 pages. There's also been some media buzz about the story where Supers renounces his U.S. citizen (but he still has it as Clark...), but I'm sure Cornell will undo it by erasing the U.N.'s collective memory and then sucking everyone into a black hole for good measure.

Amazing Spider-Man #658 - (6/10) It's Spider-Man's first day on the Future Foundation team, but I wish the issue was written better. Some of the goofy FF adventures seem fun, but man...Peter is written like a jerk. The scene where he shows up in a custom Spidey F4 costume and then whines when it upsets everyone (because, y'know, they changed the team to honor Johnny) was really out of character. Plus, it didn't fit properly with what happened when Spidey joined in FF #1, but I guess that'll happen when you have different writers on different titles. Overall, not a bad issue, but not really a good one, either.

Spectacular Spider-Man #1000 - (6/10) Sometimes I really wish I could say no to things with Spider-Man on the cover. The story inside isn't terrible, but wasn't that great and was ultimately forgettable. And in the end I can't understand if the "villain" of the story learned anything, which the story looked like it was setting itself up for him to do. My main gripe with the issue was Marvel's insistence on including a reprint of the Punisher's first appearance (something I also already own) to justify bumping up the price. Like most of the back-up reprints Marvel does, it's just an annoying waste of my money.

American Vampire #14 - (8/10) As usual, Scott Snyder continues with a strong plot and great characters, but it was often difficult to tell who was who. This isn't necessarily anything against the artist Rafael Albuquerque, but most of the characters had their heads obscured by their army helmets. I kept trying to figure out which one was Sweet until he showed up later. Still the plot is fun, and the inclusion of Pearl left me excited for the next issue. Not sure how I feel about the new monsters, though, but I won't pass judgment yet.

Avengers #12 - (7/10) The plot involving the Infinity Gems is finally over, and I am glad. Of all the Avengers books out there, Avengers main has to be my least favorite. While better here, Romita's artwork is still sloppy, and Bendis's plots make no sense and feel artificially stretched (especially #11) to fit his usual 6 issue arcs. I don't know why he bothered to have the Watcher show up, with everyone commenting on how he only appears during great crisis, because this was incredibly anticlimactic. Hopefully the next arc is an improvement, because I'm beginning to lose faith.

Avengers #12.1 - (8/10) I have to admit, I'm enjoying Marvel's .1 idea. Several of the ones I've read so far have been easily accessible and, more importantly, enjoyable. This issue was actually a little thicker and, surprisingly, featured no ads. The story, while a little awkward and including a clusterf*** of all three Avengers teams, was fun. Plus, it featured M.O.D.O.K. and spaceknights. You know, as in ROM. I'm uneasy about yet another return of Ultron, but I won't complain. Besides, the issue's best feature? No John Romita Jr.

Secret Avengers #12 - (7/10) Secret Avengers never really lived up to the idea I had in my head when I heard about it. Written by Ed Brubaker? Sweet. A covert Avengers team hand-picked by Steve Rogers? Sweet. Trips to Mars to find a magic crown? Not so sweet. While the next story involving Shang-Chi was more to my liking, this two-issue plot about John Steele just kind of...was. I enjoyed it, but I didn't really see it's importance. Especially since it seemed to be setting up a larger plot, despite this being the last issue of Brubaker's run. Also, I can't figure out why Captain America is in what looks like the Ultimate costume on both #11 and 12's covers. He isn't wearing it in the book. They're by the same artist doing the interiors. I don't understand. Overall, I give Brubaker's run a solid 7. Wasn't great, but wasn't a waste of my time.

Secret Avengers #12.1 - (7/10) Nick Spencer technically begins his run on Secret Avengers in this .1 issue. Overall, it was just a so-so story. There were some good lines of dialogue, especially from Ant-Man, but the plot itself didn't really leave an impression on me. The art, however, was pretty nice. However, I don't think I'll be sticking around to see Spencer's run through, though I may give one more issue a shot.

Batman, Inc. #5 - (9/10) I have to be honest: I don't have the luxury of being able to read Inc. like I want to. Had I more time, I'd probably give each issue a solid 2 or 3 read-throughs. I often find that I'm missing a lot, having to try to recall what I can with the annotations from Comics Alliance. This has been true for all of Morrison's Batman run, but Inc. feels even more info-heavy. This may be because of the new "Drawing the line at 2.99" initiative from DC, as the most recent issues have felt super-condensed. However, I am loving this idea of the Batmen around the world, and each new team-up is really fun. I am excited for the next installment.

Brightest Day #24 - (8/10) The "sequel" to Blackest Night finally ends with this oversized issue. While not quite what I hoped, I found a fun conclusion to the year-long story. Several things were finally explained, but unfortunately, some more questions rose. Hawkman came back to life, but Hawkgirl didn't because...why, exactly? Also, Deadman's dead again? I get it. He's Deadman. His power is being dead. But can't, just once, we take a step out of the status quo, and then another step forward? I mean, really, has anyone done anything with Boston Brand in years? Try something new. This kind of goes back to Geoff Johns just jerkin' it to the Old. Hawkman's back. Aquaman's back. Barry Allen is the Flash and Hal Jordan is Green Lantern. With this finale, he even returned Swamp Thing and Constantine to the DCU. I don't know, I'm going to stop complaining now. Good issue. Dumb ideas.

Darkhorse Presents #1 - (10/10) I bought this out of curiosity, not expecting much. Man, was I surprised. While there were a few forgettable stories, there was a lot to enjoy in this 80-page issue. The Concrete tale was fun, especially since I'd never read the character before, and Harlan Ellison's prose piece How Interesting: A Tiny Man was a pleasant surprise. The best of the bunch, however, was the first chapter of Finder: Third World. It was the first few pages into the story where I said, "Okay, Darkhorse...let's do this." (I also later learned that Finder is a webcomic. I need to get on that.) However, there were a few lackluster editions. Howard Chaykin's story was fine, but I really just hate his art. It's hard for me to anything featuring his lumpy characters. The first chpater of Neal Adam's Blood was...insane. The art was a mess and the story was even worse. Rambling, exposition heavy, and difficult to follow, I really did not like this story. But I'm kind of curious to see how far it can spiral into madness. Oh, and there are like 3 pages of Frank Miller's sequel to 300, Xerxes. Not interested.

Deadpool #36 - (8/10) Just when I was ready to leave...it pulls me back again. Much like the recent vampire arc, this stand-alone story was a lot of fun - which is great, because the space story from the last 3 issues was awful. This issue features great new art, a fun and goofy plot, and - mostly importantly - no more space. The story was a lot of fun and had me chuckling, plus there was a great inventive fight that was a blast to read. The five Taskmaster panels where he mimicks Deadpool were golden. Hopefully the stories stay this good, because it looks like I'm sticking around a little longer.

Detective Comics #876 - (9/10) A new mystery starts up in this issue, and I'm very much intrigued. It hard for any other bat book to beat Inc., but Scott Snyder writes a damn good detective tale. His pacing and dialogue is top-notch. Plus, Jock's art and page layouts are phenomenal. I'm also real glad to see Gordon's son is still around, and I'm interested in seeing how he plays out. I can't wait for the next issue.

Flash #11 - (4/10) I've really been enjoying Johns's new flash series, but this issue was a serious misstep. With Flashpoint on its way, this felt a lot like Avengers #11, where the issue was artificially lengthened to make sure that the arc ended on the 12 mark. So while there is some mild progression towards Flashpoint, much of the issue is padded by an incredibly stupid intervention for Barry Allen. It was an enormous waste of time that didn't go anywhere, but mostly allowed Johns to wank it to the "classic" Flash yet again. It's basically like 4 pages of everyone circle jerking to how great Barry Allen is, plus more terrible "cute" comments on how he's "moving too fast" or "won't sit down". 'Cause he's the Flash! He runs a lot! LOL! The part of the issue that actually progress the story made little sense, but I'll admit that I kind of shut down after getting so annoyed at the intervention scene. To top it off, even the art was lackluster, as the great Francis Manapul is replaced by Scott Kolins. Kolins doesn't muster the same energy as Manapul, and his page layouts were awkward, including way too much white space. Hopefully this is just a small stumble before Flashpoint begins.

Future Foundation #2 - (7/10) I'm not sure how much longer I'm sticking around for FF. I grabbed #1 to support the idea of change in mainstream comics, and stuck around for #2 for the last page reveal of Doom joining the team, but this issue didn't really sell it for me. Some of it may because, while independent, it feels heavily reliant on much of Hickman's Fantastic Four run. past events are referred to that I don't know anything about. On top of that, much like #1, this issue was very, very slow. We get some good character moments, but it was all kind of boring. Also like #1, it all leads up to a final page cliffhanger that left me wanting to know more, but the desire may not be strong enough to keep me with the series.

Green Lantern #65 - (8/10) I'm really enjoying "The War of the Green Lanterns". I was hesitant because Green Lantern seems to be jumping from big event to big event without much time to catch your breath, but this has been a lot of fun so far. The story has been moving quickly through all 3 Lantern titles, and I'm interested to see where it ends. Say what you want about Geoff Johns, but the man knows how to write a big event. It's also nice to see all for Earth Lanterns together. It's often too easy to forget how different each is. My only real complaint from this issue is that the final page reveal was spoiled by the cover to the next chapter in Corps, which came out the same week.

Green Lantern Corps #59 - (7/10) When I saw that "War of the Green Lanterns" would be crossing over the 3 Lantern titles, I was worried that something may get lost between writers. I was glad to find though that the story, characters, and overall quality remained relatively consistent over each title, despite some stumbles. This issue we see the four Earth Lanterns learning to use their new rings "borrowed" from the other corps. It was nice to see how each reacts to their ring, especially Kyle and John, who (unlike Hal and Guy) had not worn another ring previously. My only real complaint is that Guy seems oddly in control of his red ring, whereas last time he went berserk. Sure, he was grieving last time, but now it barely seems to pose a problem. I kind of hope he remains a Red Lantern, though. This issue also focused more on the characters and their rings than progressing the story very far, but it was still a good issue overall.

Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #9 - (9/10) Perhaps to make up for GLC's slower pace, this issue rockets forward, advancing the story well and dividing the four Earth Lanterns into two teams. We learn a little more about a supposed "First Lantern" and the Guardian's past experiments, and the teams split so that the next Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps can focus on two seperate pieces of the plot. Amongst all this, we still get some great character work, which is to be expected from Tomasi. Honestly, if Johns ever leaves the series when this is all over, Tomasi is my first choice to pick up the reigns.

Invincible Iron Man #503 - (8/10) The conclusion to the Doc Ock arc ends here, and I really enjoyed how it played out, despite being slightly anti-climactic. It was nice to see Tony, with all his arrogance, actually lose for once. Seeing him plead with Otto was so uncomfortably enjoyable. I'm not really sure what it says about the character when I was rooting for the villain to knock him down a few pegs. The one drawback to the issue was its end connection to Fraction's new event Fear Itself. It didn't really seem to have any purpose other than to place the title chronologically. Overall, though, it was a solid issue.

Super Dinosaur #1 - (6/10) I really wanted to like Super Dinosaur. I did. I even managed to convince myself after the first read-through that it wasn't that bad. But I gave it to Seth, and he complained enough that I gave it a second go whilst on the toilet. And it was awful. So awful. I understand that it was a story aimed at children (which was why I was so forgiving at first), but this was insulting even to that audience. The story makes little sense, the main character is annoying, and it felt like it was constantly talking down to me. Plus, it strangely felt like too much happened, while nothing happened at all. I'm interested in the issue for Free Comic Book Day at least, but I don't think I'll be back for #2.







Fear Itself #1 - (7/10) I didn't pick this up myself, but a friend of mine did and I forgot to mention it back when. I didn't have much interest in Marvel's next big event, mostly because Marvel wouldn't shut up about it. Every issue every week of anything they published featured two pages gushing about it, and it didn't take long to turn me off completely. Normally I'd at least grab #1 out of curiosity, but not now. However, since my friend did grab it, I read through it and it was...okay. A lot of it felt smaller than it was trying to be, and I found myself not really caring a whole lot. There is a bit of mystery as to who the villain is, but not enough for me to really invest any. If Joe continues the series, then I'll keep reading it, but otherwise, I'm pretty much uninterested.

Ex Machina - (7/10) Seth let me borrow the final hardcover of the series, and I decided to just talk about the series as a whole. Seth, if you're reading this and haven't finished it yet - stop now. Overall, I was kind of underwhelmed. The entire series, while admittedly more about the characters, teases this mystery about Hundred's powers, but ultimately fails to deliver. By the end we don't really learn much, and what we do learn doesn't really satisfy or make too much sense. It kind of reminded me of LOST, but where that kept adding mysteries to fill up seasons before it announced its end, this knew what it was from the beginning. And in the end that's more of a disappointment. And that's kind of how each story arc in Ex Machina was. It would introduce something cool, play with it for a bit, and then just...end. Plus, Vaughan introduces a bit more mythology into his powers, revealing that while he speaks to/controls machines, there are others that can do it with animals, plants, and humans. Two of these are fleshed out more (although one introduces more powers that don't make sense), but the plant power is mentioned in an issue, then addressed only in a standalone story that affects nothing in the overall plot, and then that's it. Also, there's no real answer as to why anyone else with these powers succumbs to them and turns "evil", but Hundred is able to keep his mind. As far as I've noticed, it's never addressed, but we see at least 4 others with similar powers, and they all fall off the deep end. The finale, like I said, has no real pay-off, and is actually fairly anti-climactic. Much like Vaughan's other series Y: The Last Man, there is a final "epilogue" issue that kind of picks up the pieces and addresses the aftermath, but I felt even that fell short. I loved the final issue of Y (I found it one of the best endings to a long-running series ever), but this kind of had a lot of "bet you didn't see this coming" moments, and actually ends on a horribly tragic note. Drifting away from the writing, I'm not the biggest fan of Tony Harris. His panels always feel incredibly static, obviously because he relies heavily on photo reference, and his faces are often awkward. His covers, though, are awesome. So overall, I enjoyed reading the series, but I didn't quite get out of it what I wanted.

Doctor Who
- S06, E01: The Impossible Astronaut - (7/10) I suppose there was no real way for this premier to live up to the hype I'd heard and built up in my head. It was also significantly hurt by being separated from its conclusion by a week (anyone who had reviewed in advance had seen them back-to-back). However, I was really let down by this episode. Seth and I watched it, and we both agreed that it wasn't what we hoped, but that we both also set the bar incredibly high in our minds. The more I thought about it, though, the more things I found that I disliked. I hoped that a second viewing would fix this, but I actually ended up hating even more that time. On a plot level, the story was a fun time-romp and was easily the best part of the episode. No real complaints worth getting into there.
My real gripes came from small scenes and the actors. Several scenes happened unrelated to the real plot that I can't figure out what was going on or why. How was the Doctor in the movie Rory was watching? I mean, wouldn't someone be upset that this dude in a fez just showed up and interrupted the scene? Amy mentions that Rory was watching it again, so how did he not notice the Doctor before? Is he constantly getting conveniently distracted each time? How did Amy just randomly stumble across this information about the Doctor in the past? What happened in the TARDIS scene where River was undoing whatever the Doctor did? I cannot figure out why that scene was there.
Speaking of River...I hate her. I like the idea of her, but I don't like her. As a plot device, I think she's interesting, but as a character she's annoying. She's Moffat's little Mary Sue, and I sincerely hope this season is the last we see of her. I also really hated all the scenes of her and the Doctor flirting. It felt way out of character for him. In fact, Matt Smith really bugged me this episode. He reminded me a lot of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow: First movie Jack was cool, then every movie after that they took everything that was enjoyable about him (because Jack sells) and pumped it up to 11, to the point that I can't stand him. In this episode, Matt Smith felt like someone acting like Matt Smith acting like the Doctor. He felt like a parody of himself. Every line was cute and everything was over done.
Two more complaints and then I move on: 1) Amy had to have the time travel explained to her. I understand that this is to accommodate the newer/slower viewers that don't quite know Who yet, but it made her seem really dumb. 2) The slow-motion at the end. It was so goofy, like they finished the episode and realized they still had 6 seconds left to fill, so they just drew it out. Bad move.
Oh, but Mark Sheppard is sweet.

-S06, E02: Day of the Moon - (8/10) The second part of the premier fared far better for me than the first. Most of my big character complaints were gone and I really enjoyed the story, despite several little nitpicks about events that made little sense, but still happened because they "looked cool". The opening scene was awesome, but made little sense the more I thought about it. However, the plot was fun, despite introducing far more questions than it answered. And the final scene annoyed me a bit, because: 1) The Doctor had no problem delivering his full little "I'm clever" speech with no interruptions, despite looking away from the Silence several times. Sure, they were around the room, but he also looked down and at the TV (which was hooked up to...what, exactly?) and 2) The gunfight at the end. Who has always struck me as a show about nonviolence and brain over brawn, but then not only does river start shooting up the place...but the Doctor joins in with his screwdriver. WHAT? I can let it slide, but I hope to never see it again. I also got a chuckle out of Amy's Schrödinger baby. The cliffhanger was also really good. Totally not unfair that it won't be resolved for a while. Although, I did appreciate the Doctor's self-aware comment about that.

Game of Thrones
- S01, E01: Winter Is Coming - (7/10) I wanted to read Game of Thrones before the show began, but my library had three copies, all loaned out and reserved. Seth and I attempted to do the audiobook instead, but I found that I can't focus. I kept either doing something and realizing that 15 minutes passed and I had not absorbed anything, or doing nothing and falling asleep. This was actually a good thing, because in the audiobook I reached most of the episode up to maybe 15 minutes before the end, and was surprised by the cliffhanger. However, most of the episode was slow and paced oddly. However, I forgave this because it was setting up the plot and establishing the large cast, something that is much easier done in a book. But up until the final moments before the credits, I must admit that nothing really happened. I was still interested though. Also, why does that one dude look so much like a young Dennis Leary? It's uncanny.

- S01, E02: The Kingsroad - (9/1o) This was the episode where I went, "This is why I'm watching this show." While last episode, nothing really happened, this episode everything happened. And it was sweet. I began to learn which characters I liked (Jon Snow, Arya Stark, Tyrion Lannister), which I hated (Sansa Stark, Viserys Targaryen, every other Lannister), and which I'm on the fence about (Ned Stark, Dennis Leary). The only real complaint I have is that all of the sex in this show is crazy uncomfortable. Like, it's all angry buttsecks, and rather than at each other, they're all staring intensely through TV and into your soul. Seth and I had agreed to wait to keep watching until he's back from school, but it's going to be hard to avoid tonight's episode.

Smallville
-S10, E18: Booster - (7/10) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAthrillerjacketHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-S10, E19: Dominion - (4/10) *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA300spoofHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Darkhorse Presents #1
and
Detective Comics #876

Two winners for two weeks of reviews. Three if we wanna throw in Game of Thrones. But, seriously, both of these books really surprised me. Detective Comics was, as usual, a great detective/crime story that was just a blast to read, and left me wanting more. And Darkhorse Presents was a real treat. I almost didn't grab it, especially since I really had no idea what I was getting into. It ended being, for the most part, a really fun ride. Although the $8 price tag for 80 pages is pretty daunting (especially when the 90 page Action Comics #900 was only $6), it's really hard to argue that I didn't get my money's worth. The price is really the only thing making me question whether I'll invest in #2. I guess we'll see when the time comes.

Next week, on a very special post of Testudownists:

I'll try to be on time!

Stay tuned.

Put on your tinfoil hats, it's crazy theory time.

Yeah, I'm late again. I had a very busy weekend. Then I just kept getting distracted. Sorry, imaginary people that I pretend read my opinions.

I'll have reviews up soon. I may lump last week's in with this week's. I don't know yet.
But right now?

THEORY TIME:

(This is where I would put an image I scribbled like I do in the reviews, but Photoshop takes a long time to boot up and I'm lazy tonight.)

Anyway, because Marvel cannot keep a secret to save its life, they revealed some new information about Ultimate Spider-Man, post-"Death of Spider-Man". A new costume for Ultimate Spider-Man was shown, as well as the declaration that this new Spider-Man is not Peter Parker.

First off, despite this new evidence to the contrary, I still don't believe Peter will die. There's too much tied to this one specific character that has yet to be explored or resolved.

So who is this new Spider-Man? I have a theory, and while I highly doubt it will be true, I still think it's awesome, and something only Bendis would have the guts and sense of humor to pull off.

Let's start off with some brief background info here: In the 616 (main) Marvel universe, the Human Torch has died. He left his spot on the team to his best friend, Peter Parker. Now, Peter is the new member of the renamed Future Foundation, complete with new costumes.

In the Ultimate universe, a teenage Peter lives with his Aunt May, and his housemates now include Johnny Storm (the Human Torch), as well as Bobby Drake (Iceman). If Peter "dies" (or at least his alter-ego does -- it is called "Death of Spider-Man", not "Death of Peter Parker", which carries more certainty), wouldn't it be fitting for his best friend Johnny (and perhaps Bobby, too) to take up the webs in his place? And like Peter's new spot on the FF, it comes with a brand-new costume.

Now, granted, this is a stretch based on just a sliver of leaked info and more than a bit of speculation, but it seems like a clever meta-joke to me.

Oh, plus, take a look at the released cover, which I borrowed from Comics Alliance:

Based on the body build, this is not the Jessica Drew clone of Peter. It could be another clone, but it would be pretty lazy to bring them back suddenly for this, after I'm fairly certain it was confirmed they were all dead.

The only power we have confirmed by the single image is web-swinging, but Peter uses home-made web-shooters on his wrists. Really, anyone could use those.

Also, looking at that costume again, it looks a lot like Johnny's Ultimate Fantastic Four costume, only with different colors. The triangle on the chest is very similar, as well as the lack of defined boots.

Dead or alive, Peter will not be Ultimate Spider-Man for much longer. The best bet is that this is an already-established character. I'm hoping it's Johnny. Will I place money on it? No.

But it is the only way I won't be severely disappointed by this gimmick. Mark Millar, despite only being half-involved in this, rarely manages to live up to his hype.

You just got Fiction-Facted.

So, yeah, I'm late. Bite me. I had a lot going on this week and a lot to review, and I just kept putting it off. I think I may only review some of what I grabbed this week. Idunno. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. First things first:

This week, Comic Alliance's Ask Chris answered a question I submitted. I kind of sparked a large debate about who would win in a fight between Batman and Harry Potter. Many said Harry because he's "magic" and apparently that's all the reasoning you need, because, hey, when do we ever use logic these days? I said Batman, and here's why: Batarang to wand. Fist to face. Victory to Batman. And if you want to say, "But Harry would just magically magic Batman with magic first," you're an idiot. Batman (and this is a FACT about fiction...Fiction Facts....tell your friends) can disarm ALERT and TRAINED gunmen before they can fire a bullet. That is to say, before they can clench their index finger. Harry has to aim the wand, speak a spell, and wave anywhere from his wrist to his entire arm. Even omitting the speaking, which he eventually learns to do, that's still a whole lot of effort. PLUS, if Harry is already alert and armed, then Batman is already hiding in the shadows. And if not, then I can guarantee that Batman can grab and throw a batarang faster than Harry can grab that stick.

...Ew, that's gross.

Moving on...






Batman & Robin #22 - (7/10) B&R has gone downhill since Morrison left the title, but I stuck through it a bit out of curiosity. Paul Cornell's 3 issue run was abysmal. I mean awful. And I almost quit there, but I stuck around once I heard Tomasi would be tackling three issues. I enjoyed Tomasi on Green Lantern Corps and I was willing to at least give him a chance. And it paid off. This final installment of the story had some great moments, some wonderful art, and the introduction of an interesting new rogue for the Bat. I'm sad to see that Tomasi is not hanging around longer, as he seems to be the only other writer capable of pulling off the dynamic between Dick and Damian ( just Damian's personality in general) outside of Morrison. While it didn't blow me out of the water, this run on B&R will at least let me leave the title without a bad taste in my mouth.

The Flash #10 - (8/10) I'm not going to lie -- I was already excited for Flashpoint. I'm a sucker for alternate universes, and the hype, unlike Marvel's Fear Itself, is genuinely intriguing. And while not a whole lot really happened, this issue continued to whet my appetite. Still, Flash is ironically one of the slowest-moving titles I read. I always reach the end and, while I enjoyed the ride, I always feel like I'm asking the final page, "That's it?" The art is gorgeous, though. I can't think of anyone better suited to draw this title than Francis Manapul. Oh, and speaking of art, Wally's costume is just goofy-looking. He's not in the book, but he's on the cover. I know they had to find a way to distinguish Wally from Barry now that there are two Flashes running around, but the red, earless Batman cowl just looks silly.

Deadpool #35 - (4/10) Thank f***ing God we're done with the space story. Dumbest f***cking I have ever seen. If it was only an issue, hell even just two, I could probably let it go, but I had to endure this stupid f***ing plot for three f***ing months. He gets one f***ing issue to make me forgive him. I always f***ing do, though. Last stupid plot led into the f***ing amazing vampire arc. I said "f***ing" in every sentence.

New Avengers #11 - (8/10) Out of all the Avengers titles, I'm really enjoying New the most. It features the characters I find most interesting, plus the plot at least makes some sense, unlike Avengers-main. The B-plot with Fury and his "original Avengers" is interesting, but we're -- what? 3 issues in? And I have yet to see what this has to do with anything else. Plus, I hate Chaykin's art. Everything looks lumpy and awkward, and I often have trouble telling who's who. This is even more distracting when the cover and A-plot are drawn so beautifully by Mike Deodato. Hopefully next issue will see these two seemingly unrelated plots converge.

The Unwritten #24 - (8/10) This issue sees the return of the foul-mouthed rabbit, Pauly Bruckner. His previous appearance in #12 was one of my favorite issues of the series to date, so I was looking forward to this installment with even more pants-creaming excitement than usual. However, while it was still a great issue, I felt let down. It didn't really strike me like I expected to. Kind of a sequel-itis, I guess. Every 6 issues, The Unwritten gives us these story gems that aren't connected directly to the main plot, but expand the world of the series. Issue 12 came completely out of left field and really blew me away, showing me aspects of this fiction-bending universe that I hadn't imagined. I guess my hopes were extremely high that the return to this side-plot would surprise me as well, but it was pretty much what I suspected. I guess it's my own fault, as nothing was really wrong with the issue at all. It just wasn't what I hoped.

S. H. I. E. L. D.: Infinity - (8/10) I loves me some S. H. I. E. L. D. The high-concept series is so wild and full of fun that I often don't even notice until I'm through that I followed almost none of it. This one-shot features four short stories, each giving us a little taste of the characters and world we've been reading in the main title, each featuring a different artist. And while there were some fun moments (Archimedes piloting the Colossus of Rhodes like a Gundam to fight a Kree sentry), by the end it didn't really leave an impact on me like S. H. I. E. L. D. proper. And normally I wouldn't really criticize the fun ride, but with the slightly higher $3.99 price tag, I was left a little disappointed. Worth it, but I still craved more. It did at least ease some of the pain until Volume 2 begins.

Booster Gold #43 - (7/10) Booster holds an odd place in my heart and, consequently, on my pull list. What began as a fun time-traveling romp through the DC in the same vein as Quantum Leap, it began to focus more on longer, less interesting story arcs. Then Jurgen's left and the quality picked up a bit. It still wasn't nearly as great as the first 12 issues, but it was an enjoyable read each month. The current storyline involves Rip's secret knowledge that Booster is his father, and he seems to be using his knowledge of the future to influence Booster. The wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey aspects are...full of plotholes, but they work for what they are. And next month seems to be focusing on Flashpoint, so color me interested.

Hellboy: Buster Oakley Gets His Wish - (6/10) I always seem to enjoy the Hellboy one-shots, and the fact that this one was about aliens and cows interested me. Unfortunately, it really didn't work for me. Hellboy delivers some funny lines, as usual, and I even remember chuckling out loud. But the entire issue was forgettable. The artwork was passable, but everything pales when compared to Mignola, especially when there were hints of his brilliant pacing in the script that never really came through. What I think hurt the issue the most, though, was the extra 50 cents on the price tag. It's not a large amount, and HB is usually worth it, but the subpar story and artwork, combined with my large pull list this week, made the strain on my wallet more painful.

Captain America: The Fighting Avenger - (8/10) I said this a few weeks ago with the Iceman & Angel review, but I loves me some Brian Clevinger. The guy knows how to write intelligent, funny, and character-driven stories. Surprising that he got his start doing a goofy webcomic featuring Final Fantasy sprites. Gives me hope. Anywho, this one-shot was no exception. It features a Cap early in his career, before he was even given a proper title, and leads into the origin of the Red Skull. The writing is solid, with some amusing moments, and the cartoony artwork works well with the light-hearted script. It was just a very fun comic that left a big goofy grin on my face. And that's honestly one of the best compliments I can give a book.

Secret Warriors #26 - (10/10) Although I have to read the summary every month and still can barely follow the plot, I f***ing love Secret Warriors. It's full of crazy ideas that will absolutely confuse the hell out of even those trying their hardest to pay attention. What I love best is that every time I think I know where it's going, I learn that I am so f***ing wrong. I believe the series is ending by #28, and there is going to be a huge hole in my soul once it's gone.

Ultimate Spider-Man #157 - (8/10) I've been saying this for a while, but the "Death of Spider-Man" arc is a crock. They're not going to kill him. Not just because "he's Spider-Man", because in the Ultimate Universe that doesn't hold the same weight. Not because there's an Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon in the works. Not even because they already tried to trick us with it once before during Ultimatum. But because there has been such a huge plot build-up to this point in the series, that just ending it now would be insanely stupid. It would be bold, yes, but you can see Bendis has been putting a lot of pieces in play that haven't reached their full potential yet. Killing Spider-Man would end that. Plus, if they were to really to kill him, I think they'd call it "The Death of Peter Parker". Just you watch, it probably just means the "death" of the Spider-Man identity. Either he's publicly outed (and with Osborn and everyone knowing his secret, I am willing to put money on this), or he joins S. H. I. E. L. D. or the Ultimates or something. And if he does die, the cliffhanger at the end isn't what does it. We're like two issues into the story and nothing has played out. Even if the rest of the story is him dying, there's still too much that needs to play out.

Ultimate: Avengers vs New Ultimates #3 - (7/10) This series has been...I don't know. I avoided it at first because, despite carrying the "Death of Spider-Man" banner, it didn't seem to be related to the event. I was told that changed with this issue, but it really just ends with the same cliffhanger as USP #157, not even really from a different perspective. That said, the plot of the miniseries itself has gotten more interesting, but I can't really say it was worth reading. I'm at least far enough in that I'll stick with it see where it goes.







Ultimate: Avengers vs New Ultimates #1 & 2 - (6/10) Going off what I said above, the series is interesting enough, but doesn't really seem to be worth it. Plus, it suffers from being a Mark Millar comic...meaning that it's full of moments and ideas that make you go, "Cool," but then you end up groaning later. And seriously, every other page has someone saying, "oh god." That's not even a joke. Go back and look.

Ultimate Spider-Man #156 - (7/10) I have a notecard where I write down notes and a basic score for everything I read, but I honestly don't remember this issue. This is probably because I read the next one just a few days later. Oh well, I gave it a 7, so we'll stick with that.

Amazing Spider-Man #657 - (7/10) This issue focuses on Peter and the FF dealing with the loss of Johnny Storm, who is pretty much Pete's super best friend. It's divided up into separate short stories featuring Spidey and the FF, each from the perspective of a different member and featuring a different artist. These stories are fun, but mostly forgettable, though there were a few chuckle-worthy moments (Spidey/Human Torch double punch). However, they just reminded me of the phenomenal Spider-Man/Human Torch miniseries from a few years ago, and they just do not compare. Everything from the humor to the emotion was handled so much better in that one miniseries, which became the definitive story of their friendship. Even the final moment with Johnny's will for Peter just didn't hit hard enough for me. It was touching, but it just didn't hit like it should have.

Marvel Super Hero Squad Online - (7/10) I grabbed this simply because it said "50 cents" really big on the cover. I can't turn down that kind of deal. And, honestly? Worth it. It featured two stories, and while they were both simple and silly, they had some fun moments where I was grinning and even chuckling a bit. For half a dollar, you can't really complain.

Marvel Super Hero Squad #11 - (7/10) I grabbed this as well because the cover was just so ridiculous. Seriously, go Google it. I'll wait. ... ... ... Hilarious, right? There just aren't enough cowboys in comics. The issue, like the Online one-shot, was divided into two short stories, and while the first was forgettable, the second was absolutely insane. Everyone's a cowboy, there are references to several old westerns, plus M.O.D.O.K. wears a giant purple stetson. Worth every penny.

Secret Warriors #26

Seriously, I love this series. Thank God I'll still Hickman have S. H. I. E. L. D. (and maybe Future Foundation, if it can prove its worth) once this ends, because I don't know what I'd do without it. I love a title where each issue does something that I absolutely did not see coming, and this issue had me staring at the page going, "I should have f***ing seen that. How did I not see that?" There are so many compounding layers of betrayal and lies that I will pay good money just to see Hickman's notes. Over the course of these 26 issues, I've seen this book expand itself and echo back upon itself in a complexity not often seen outside of Morrison's work. I can't wait to see how it ends, yet I don't want to see it end.

Now I'll never have time to be the very best...

Seth and I finally folded and bought Pokémon because they were $10 off on Amazon. Unfortunately, my copy of Black has yet to make it here, so I'm stuck with free time to update. Damn it. Also, my subscriptions for last week's Amazing Spider-Man and Ultimate Spider-Man from like two weeks ago have yet to arrive as well. So those will be super late, I guess. Whatever, that's cool. I didn't want to be current and relevant anyway.






Amazing Spider-Man Annual #38 - (6/10) Annual issues are often hit-or-miss...the latter more often than not. This was certainly no exception. The story started out decent enough, as I'm always a sucker for alternate worlds, but it began to fall apart the further I went on. Everything felt forced, from the jokes to the plot. Deadpool was thrown in because he's Deadpool and that's what Marvel does, but his reason worked well enough, but the Hulk had no reason to be there. He's pretty much justified with one throwaway line. The alternate world where Peter Parker is a billionaire and the world's greatest (and apparently only) superhero sounded promising, but made little sense. NITPICKING: His name change to "The Amazing Spider" is fine, but the costume (mostly the cape) is stupid. And his status as pretty much Batman works. The problem comes with the rest of the world. (SUPER-NITPICKING:) We encounter some familiar villains, all with the same names/costumes, and even in his batcave (sorry, "The Web") we see trophy cases with souvenirs like Mysterio and Electro's masks. But Deadpool and Dr. Doom are just color swaps. I need consistency. If you want to change things up slightly with names and costumes, do it with everyone. Don't just do "The Spider" and "Deathwish", and then everything else is the same. Plus the "twist" at the end was not just stupid, but insulting. The Spider ends up looking like an easily influenced idiot, and Uncle Ben is just evil. I have more whining, but I really should stop. Will I pick up Part 2 in Deadpool Annual? I don't know. Perhaps. Ugh. Moving on.

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #5 - (8/10) Man, it feels like forever since the last issue came out, ignoring the one-shot thing a few weeks back. I really needed that recap on the first page. That said, I did really enjoy this series. I'm having trouble seeing how this could affect much outside of the title once it ends, but I'm at least having a blast reading it and seeing the characters I enjoyed so much once again. The art is beautiful as usual. The writing was fun, and dialogue is often well-done, but some lines come off too..."cutesy". Like Whedon-lite. Still, it's a fun series, but I guess I wouldn't have missed it if I waited for a trade collection to go with the rest of my Young Avengers.

Brightest Day #23 - (7/10) Man, I just don't know. Part of me is glad that Brightest Day is almost done. Pieces start falling into place this issue, but much of it felt incredibly forced. The White Lantern's elemental avatars, while kind of neat, were more ridiculous than anything else. I kept thinking Captain Planet. The two big reveals are interesting, but I'm not so sure how much sense they made. I'm pretty sure the swamp Alec died in wasn't in the middle of Star City, was it? I will say this though, there was one panel that made me chuckle out loud. At the beginning when there are tornadoes and what-not, there's a panel of Superman and Wonder Woman saving some people. A voice-over from a news reporter says that many would have died if Superman (specifically just him) hadn't helped. I couldn't help but see this as mocking the currently storyline in his own title about him wandering around America being useless. And if so, that's funny.

Chew #18 - (8/10) Chew is an odd series, but a funny one as well. This issue hits all the right notes and I found myself snickering occasionally. However, the ending was almost too ridiculous. Not a bad thing, as it was by far the funniest part, but the final line was delivered in such a goofy way that it knocked me out of the story and kept me from taking it seriously even a tiny bit. I don't know how to say that in a way that doesn't sound so negative, especially since it was really funny.

First Wave Special - (4/10) If I had bothered to look at the credits before picking this up, I would not have grabbed it. First Wave was a fun miniseries, but towards the end it kind of fell apart for me. The entire thing was still worth reading, and despite its flaws, it was clear Brian Azzarello knew what he was doing and was having fun with it. I thought another self-contained one-shot like the first with Batman and Doc Savage would be fun. Unfortunately, this was not written by Azzarello. The story is sloppy and abysmally paced, the moral compass is nonexistant, and the art is sub-par (Doc Savage looks like he's wearing an oddly-shaped and discolored bald cap). Despite all my whining about the Spidey Annual, this was my big regret of the week.

Nonplayer #1 - (8/10) This new book has been getting a lot of hype lately, so I thought I'd see what it was all about. I don't see exactly why everyone seems to be creaming their pants over it, but I found it to be a fun introductory issue. Nothing super special, but definitely above average. I had some minor complaints, but I'll let them slide for now because it is just the first issue. It felt more concerned with setup than plot. The art, however, is gorgeous. Overall, it was a fun, enjoyable read. Whether it'll earn all its hype remains to be seen, but I'll definitely tune in for #2.

Ozma of Oz #5 - (7/10) The Oz series are weird for me. Every issue issue the last thing I read that week, and I often find myself not wanting to. Then I do and I enjoy it, but I keep feeling like I shouldn't have bothered. I guess part of the problem comes from the fact that I'm reading just a portion of a book a month. While comics are made to be episodic, I feel like each issue ends in a specific way to feel contained and to keep you interested in the next installment. Each issue of Oz just kind of...ends. And then picks up next month. I feel that they'd read better all at once in a collection. If a fourth series starts once Ozma ends, I wont be picking it up. At least, not until I get the rest in trade.

Sweet Tooth #20 - (8/10) This series gets better every month. It's a slow burn and it took a long time before I realized how much I enjoyed it. But now I can't get enough, much like everything else under the Vertigo line. Lemire's artwork has certainly grown on me as much as his story. New characters and plot developments are introduced and I can't wait to see them play out. (Can you tell I'm getting tired and running out of review steam?)







I have nothing else to talk about this week because God hates me and Pokémon: Black hasn't arrived yet.

Nonplayer #1

While I haven't seen it earn its praise just yet, I thought the series looked like a lot of fun. It shows a lot of promise, despite echoing .hack heavily. And it doesn't hurt that the art is real purty. Real purty.